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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Have you seen this cat?


Friday, July 10, 2009


If you get blog entries via an RSS feed, you will need to go to:

If you get the posts by going to or, you won't be affected at all.

If you get the entries in some other magical way, keep on keepin on, Rainbow Willie.

Brian "Upgrade like a Killer Whale" Matthews


Happy Birthday Bill Cosby – Age 72 on Sunday

It was a hot summer afternoon as I sat on the floor watching "Bill Cosby – Himself" special on HBO. I laughed and laughed and laughed. I didn't understand all of what he was saying since I was in 3rd grade. I watched that special a few dozen times until HBO finally got sick of me watching it. Three kids and 25 years later I listen to the audio from the show and enjoyed a whole new level that my 3rd-grade existence did not know even existed. If you are in 3rd grade or have three children, I highly recommend you check out this classic show!

Dr. Cosby is 72 this Sunday. In his honor, a burning of ugly sweaters will be organized.


Brian "Chocolate Cake" Matthews


4H-ers have to talk to me tomorrow

Saturday morning I will get to help judge the 4H photography exhibits. How it usually works is myself and 3 other talented judges sit at tables trying to look non-threatening. The 4-H-ers bring up their photos and tell us about their photographs. It typically goes like this:

4H-er: This is my photograph. I saw this by the road so I got my mom to stop.

Me: So, do you LIKE the photograph?

4H-er: Uh……….it's OK.

Me: If there was one thing you would like to change about it, what would it be?

4H-er: Uh……..I don't know. Make it better?

Me: Sure.

Brian "Photo Wizard" Matthews




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What kind of kid are you?

Yesterday while visiting with my brother Paul, his son proclaims "I'm not a toddler anymore". Jon is 8 years old and obviously not a toddler. I then ask, "So what are you?" expecting to hear "I'm a big kid!" Jon, being the creative genius that he is, says, "I'm sort of a big kid, but I'm more of a medium kid."

Genius. Pure genius!

Brian "Big Dumpy kid" Matthews


Thursday, July 9, 2009



Driver's Ed

Fresh Milk

Puppy love

Orange Crush

Pencil Eraser


Sequined Glove


Post-It Note


I'm on a Boat!


Because I care….

With the passing of so many celebrities lately, we must start appreciating the celebrities that we have left.

So in honor of all the living celebrities like:

Paris Hilton

Lindsey Lohan

Britney Spears

Zac Efron

The Jonas Bros


Soupy Sales

I am right-aligning this post.


Brian "Misses Red Skelton" Matthews


Blogging my way into solitude

Once upon a time, family and friends would find themselves adorning the pages of this blog. Sometimes in some not so attractive ways---you know who you are and you are still a tool. So in favor of everyone's feelings, I began a lengthy course of not mentioning ANYONE I knew or was related to as to not hurt their feelings.

Well, no longer. It's just too interesting NOT to include them. Their mannerisms, their attitudes, their inability to see that they are always wrong and I am never right.

So family and friends, this is fair warning. If you say something stupid or get caught doing stupid things….I'm busting you here…..for the amusement of everyone else.

You have been warned.


Brian "the Enforcer" Matthews


Driver’s Ed

Mark is 14 and, as of two weeks ago, has his driver's permit.

As the Dad, I have taken mark out a few times to get him accustomed to driving and how to turn corners without sideswiping a convoy of school buses.

Watching Mark learning how to drive really made me aware of how poorly I drive. Rolling stops, speeding, etc. Not only am I aware of it, but Mark is to…and he announces it. "Dad, was THAT a complete stop?" I can't say "yes" because then that's what he would do. So I fess up. "Yep, I totally should have stopped right there." I just hope this doesn't expand into other things.

"Dad, did you just use a credit card to buy gum?" "Yes, yes I did. I shouldn't have, but I did. I'll try better next time.

"Dad, is THAT the way you are supposed to dress? Are sneakers 'Business Casual'?" That's when I smack him upside the head.

Brian "Parallel Park" Matthews


Monday, July 6, 2009

A list of people I could do without.

•A waiter with his fly open, serving you fries and gravy…..and you haven’t ordered yet
•Tattoo artists with a nasty twitch
•Nurses with a grudge against bed-ridden people
•Dentists into leather
•80-year old nude polka dancers
•Grocery check-out clerks who smell of B.O. and disappointment
•Pudding-makers with eczema
•Funeral Directors with Narcolepsy
•Singers who sound like the advanced stages of emphysema
•People who love porcelain dolls and show off their collections of hundreds of them.
•People with silent letters in their name who get annoyed when you pronounce all the letters. You know who you are, Thom!
•Hat salespeople reading directions on lice shampoo
•Ice Cream scoopers reading directions on lice shampoo
•Assassins with lazy eyes


Thursday, July 2, 2009

I Want one of these:

Just to interact with it on Facebook.


Do-it-yourself iPod

Gather the following items:
1 regular-sized Altoids can (empty)
1 Enclosed 4 “AA” Battery Holder (Radio Shack 270-411)
1 Nine inches of 14 gauge wire
1 SD card of at least 1GB in size (any manufacturer)
1 Clock Radio (Radio Shack Catalog #: 12-384)
1 Soldiering Iron
1 coil lead-free soldier
1 30GB iPod

Step 1. Throw away everything but the iPod.
Step 2. Done.

Brian "Genius!” Matthews

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