Thursday, September 07, 2006 |

New Column Jitters?

Listening To:OK Go

Today marks the last day I can make changes to my very first column that will run Monday Sept 11, 2006 in the Bismarck Tribune.
A readership of approximately 80,000 readers should really liquefy my innards....but it doesn't. I blame TV.
Not only am I jaded against gratuitous nudity and violence, the thought of completely embarrassing myself in front of 80,000 readers isn't phasing me. How?
I have an evil little voice in my head that keeps chiming in.
"They will have to read it first." the voice says.
True.
I have watched people read newspapers before. Read the front page, skip to the sports and then to the comics before rolling it up to thwack the dog on his nose for rubbing his butt on the floor. (Don't hurt the dog. It's not his fault his anal glands need to be expressed!)
But my little voice is right. Of the 80,000 people, at best only 40,000 will actually read it. Because of the high levels of caffeine intake and lower attention span, only 15,000 will actually finish the column. I do tend to be a little less accessible for some readers, so set�s just say 7,500 actually get what I say. Of those folks, it�s a medical fact that at least 500 of them are medically frigid when it comes to humor�..so that leaves 7000 people to be embarrassed in front of. That�s not too bad. I can deal with that.