Saturday, December 29, 2007
Bad blogger...bad!!!!
I've been a bad blogger. Not updating the blog, not chronicling my thoughts and amusing feelings about ribbon. I hope you can forgive me.Here's a brief run down.
Vacation from work. Woo hoo!
Christmas Eve--presents! Wooo Hooo!
Christmas Day--Big turkey dinner! Woo Hoo!
Not going back to work until January 2nd! Woooo Hooo!
Changing Scooby's diet a little to help him stay healthy----instead he blesses me with upchuck. Not-so-woo-hoo.
Annie woke up last night as if we changed her diet as well. More chuck. Even less woo hoo.
I'm thinking we should have stopped the fun a few days ago. Maybe too much fun in our house causes nausea.
That's good to know. If we ever take the kids to Disney World, I'll be sure to bring a nurse. |
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Christmas
After a day of stockings, new toy assembly, and those little plastic covered wires, it is finally time for adults. We sit in my den watching a documentary on the Northern Lights and I busily add music to my new iPod shuffle. My big iPod has arrived back in California to be repaired. I had sent it in a few weeks ago and they sent it back saying "We can't replicate the problem." The more I thought about it....it seems less and less like a great excuse. if someone called me up and said, "Brian, I can't come to work because I have explosive diarrhea." I would then fire them because I cannot replicate those results on my own? OK, so that's maybe not the best comparison. Still, it felt like they were telling me I was technically moronic. Well, I had to call them back after I got it back and hopefully I have everything set so their "Geniuses" can fix my iPod.
|Friday, December 21, 2007
Christmas Movies I'd like to See
Top 10 Christmas movies I’d like to see made:
10. Jiggle Bells
9. The Santanator II: Judgement Day.
8. Anything starring Adam Sandler and an elf
7. Up Your Chimney
6. Dirty Bob the Staindeer
5. Is that a Candy cane in your Pocket?
4. Elves Gone Wild
3. Charlie Brown’s Christmas in Bangkok
2. Intervention: Frosty the Snowman and his carrot habits.
1. Eggnog: the Musical
Brian “Bing” Matthews |
The longest and shortest day.
Today, is the shortest day of the year. The sun will rise later than ever and set sooner than ever. After today, the days will just get longer and longer. That’s the technicality. In actuality, since it is Friday and the day before a long holiday break, it will be in fact the longest day of the year. Every minute will actually stretch into five minutes. Every long pause will flex to cover two other long pauses. Everything will go against everything we know about the time/space continuum and actually last 3.74 times longer than normal. It’s a scientific anomaly. Can’t argue with science!
Brian “Pause” Matthews |
Monday, December 17, 2007
iPod
One week ago, I was getting ready to plug my faithful iPod into the charger for the evening, when that slippery little sucker went out of my hands and into a glass of water.
I dried the thing out, used the blow dryer on cool and then let it set. The next day, it seemed completely dry…..I turned it on and it was alive! YEA!
About an hour into my day, the podcasts stop and the sad iPod symbol comes up on the screen. You don’t want to see the sad iPod screen ever. I tried everything……nada. I was crushed!
I have forged a deep bond with my iPod only surpassed by my family and my buddy the internet. My iPod was dead. I contacted the mothership. They sent me a cardboard casket to ship the little guy home in to see if they could nurse him back to health. Well, just the other day I got an e-mail from the mothership. My buddy is alive and well and on the road home!
Tonight I might make signs to hang up outside the house welcoming him home. I really do need serious help.
Brian “Geek” Matthews |
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Miss Me?
Miss me?
You probably didn’t even realize I was gone.
In fact you may be thinking to your self, “Hey, is this another funny shoe guy?”.
Well, I’ve been busy.
First, I’ve been working on a new web site. It’s called BisManPhoto.com. It’s for all the digital camera users in the Bismarck/Mandan area. It’s just starting, but there’s a news area where I’ll post articles and items of interest, a discussion forum where local photo buffs and beginner wannabe photo buffs can exchange ideas and ask questions, and a photo gallery where anyone can post their photos for the world to see. All visitors can rate the photos and leave comments.
So please check it out—you may learn something. If you are a photo addict, then share the magic…..please!
Second, I’ve been Christmas shopping. Specifically for my wife. Being a woman, she likes womanly things. Things that I don’t necessarily know how to select. These things tend to be in stores where only women shop. Therefore, if I start rifling through clothes, I think I look like a pervert. In reality, I look like a man shopping for his wife…..cluelessly.
Thankfully, most of the staff are well-trained in dealing with us men. They ask all the right questions like, “What size does she take” and “What colors does she like?” They avoid questions that I dread like, “Do YOU like this?” and “Tell me about your feelings.”
The items are selected discretely, wrapped and ready for me to dart out of that pink prison where everything is “cute.” Now the problem is wrapping the gifts. I hope crumpled paper is in style this year.
Brian “I’m a man” Matthews
VISIT BISMANPHOTO.COM
|
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Is there anything better?
Honestly, is there anything better than watching "The Biggest Loser" on TV with a new pack of Little Debbie Snack cakes and a big glass of milk?
|Dear Blog
Dear blog,
I was just remembering one time in college, when two co-eds smelling of cheap beer and desperation knocked on my door. They came in my room, batted their eyelashes and told me that they would like the three of us to “Do something” together.
I now look back at that time feeling really ashamed of myself. They were obviously too drunk to play Boggle, so that’s probably why I kept winning.
Brian “Reigning Boggle Champion” Matthews |
Revolt!
Come on People now! Smile on your brother! Everybody get together, try to love one another right now!
That, my friends, is the sound of social reform!
Join with me! Band together and join me as we make a difference!
Step 1. Eliminate all worldly possessions made in unethical sweatshops.
Step 2. After getting use to being without clothes, stop eating food with added chemicals, growth hormones, and preservatives.
Step 3, You are now naked and starving. The logical next thing to do is to boycott Hollywood and all the propaganda makers.
Step 4. You are cold, hungry and bored, it’s time to march! We will gather peacefully and march in protest of the polluters and Ramen noodle companies.
Step 5. Finally you pass out, famished, exhausted, delirious, and seriously chaffed. Wasn’t it all worth it! Celebrate with a Twinkie!
Brian “It’s not easy being green” Matthews |
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Belly Jam
Annabelle is the child our parents warned us about. “I hope you get a child just like you when you grow up” they would say. Well, here we are. Tonight, Annie didn’t want to take a bath. She really really really didn’t want to. Being the dad that I am, I coaxed her into the bathroom, began running the water and made small talk.
Me: “Do you like your new shampoo?” (it has shampoo and conditioner)
Annie: “Yeah”
Me: “Daddy’s shampoo is like that too! You know what else?”
Annie: “Whuh?”
Me: “Daddy’s soap gets rid of belly jam”
Annie: “What’s belly jam?”
I then lift my shirt and pull lint from my belly button.
Me:” This is belly jam!”
She starts giggling.
Me: “I better put this back for later.” And I returned the lint to my belly button.
She then decided that she wanted to take a bath.
She used my soap too. You know….for her belly jam.
Brian “Daddy" Matthews |