Red Sneaker NEW

Stream…..

2009-07-09T16:15:00.001-05:00

Haircut

Driver's Ed

Fresh Milk

Puppy love

Orange Crush

Pencil Eraser

iPod

Sequined Glove

Laptop

Post-It Note

Coca-Cola

I'm on a Boat!

Because I care….

2009-07-09T15:48:00.001-05:00

With the passing of so many celebrities lately, we must start appreciating the celebrities that we have left.

So in honor of all the living celebrities like:

Paris Hilton

Lindsey Lohan

Britney Spears

Zac Efron

The Jonas Bros

And

Soupy Sales

I am right-aligning this post.

Brian "Misses Red Skelton" Matthews

Blogging my way into solitude

2009-07-09T13:48:00.001-05:00

Once upon a time, family and friends would find themselves adorning the pages of this blog. Sometimes in some not so attractive ways---you know who you are and you are still a tool. So in favor of everyone's feelings, I began a lengthy course of not mentioning ANYONE I knew or was related to as to not hurt their feelings.

Well, no longer. It's just too interesting NOT to include them. Their mannerisms, their attitudes, their inability to see that they are always wrong and I am never right.

So family and friends, this is fair warning. If you say something stupid or get caught doing stupid things….I'm busting you here…..for the amusement of everyone else.

You have been warned.

Brian "the Enforcer" Matthews

Driver’s Ed

2009-07-09T13:38:00.001-05:00

Mark is 14 and, as of two weeks ago, has his driver's permit.

As the Dad, I have taken mark out a few times to get him accustomed to driving and how to turn corners without sideswiping a convoy of school buses.

Watching Mark learning how to drive really made me aware of how poorly I drive. Rolling stops, speeding, etc. Not only am I aware of it, but Mark is to…and he announces it. "Dad, was THAT a complete stop?" I can't say "yes" because then that's what he would do. So I fess up. "Yep, I totally should have stopped right there." I just hope this doesn't expand into other things.

"Dad, did you just use a credit card to buy gum?" "Yes, yes I did. I shouldn't have, but I did. I'll try better next time.

"Dad, is THAT the way you are supposed to dress? Are sneakers 'Business Casual'?" That's when I smack him upside the head.

Brian "Parallel Park" Matthews

A list of people I could do without.

2009-07-06T14:43:00.001-05:00

•A waiter with his fly open, serving you fries and gravy…..and you haven’t ordered yet
•Tattoo artists with a nasty twitch
•Nurses with a grudge against bed-ridden people
•Dentists into leather
•80-year old nude polka dancers
•Grocery check-out clerks who smell of B.O. and disappointment
•Pudding-makers with eczema
•Funeral Directors with Narcolepsy
•Singers who sound like the advanced stages of emphysema
•People who love porcelain dolls and show off their collections of hundreds of them.
•People with silent letters in their name who get annoyed when you pronounce all the letters. You know who you are, Thom!
•Hat salespeople reading directions on lice shampoo
•Ice Cream scoopers reading directions on lice shampoo
•Assassins with lazy eyes

2009-07-02T15:24:00.001-05:00

I Want one of these: http://ping.fm/2p3TS

Just to interact with it on Facebook.

Do-it-yourself iPod

2009-07-02T13:15:00.000-05:00

Gather the following items:
1 regular-sized Altoids can (empty)
1 Enclosed 4 “AA” Battery Holder (Radio Shack 270-411)
1 Nine inches of 14 gauge wire
1 SD card of at least 1GB in size (any manufacturer)
1 Clock Radio (Radio Shack Catalog #: 12-384)
1 Soldiering Iron
1 coil lead-free soldier
1 30GB iPod

Step 1. Throw away everything but the iPod.
Step 2. Done.

Brian "Genius!” Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

Rock of Ages

2009-06-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

Recently my beautiful wife and I went to see “Rock Of Ages”, a Broadway musical featuring rock from the 80s and 90s like Foreigner, Extreme, etc.
We had really good seats. They were “Just Like Paradise”. My knees bumped the stage.
We were excited to see a great show starring Constantine from American Idol (Judge me if you will). We were disappointed initially when we found out that not only was Constantine out but so was his counterpart, so both roles were being played by understudies. I said “disappointed initially” because it wasn’t long before it was painfully obvious that the understudies could take us “High Enough” American Idol or not.
The band—Arsenal was TIGHT! Tighter than zebra spandex on the lead singer of Krokus!
The show was stunning all the way down to the leg warmers and straight jacket. I wish we could see it again!
We had “Nuthin’ But a Good Time”.

Brian "I Wanna Rock!” Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

2009-06-23T10:08:00.001-05:00

Attention Photographers in Bismarck/Mandan ND: I have an assignment for you!
http://bit.ly/38TWe5

What I learned by going to New York City

2009-06-19T12:38:00.001-05:00

I recently had a trip to New York City. Now most recollections of trips like this drone on and on about the specifics. I gave up “droning” for New Years.
First, you need to know a few things: I travelled with my beautiful wife, Jen, we stayed in a great hotel right off Time Square, and I have a unibrow.
So here’s what I learned while in New York City:
1. Anything can happen in Time Square. We sat in lawn chairs in the middle of the street watching people, we saw a large group of people spontaneously start blowing bubbles (flashmob), and we saw a large group of nude male bicyclists (some were wearing a single sock—I will let you paint that picture).
2. Bring lots of money. We ended up buying chicken nuggets, a small hamburger, fries and 2 sodas for $40.
3. Only crazy people drive in Manhattan. We saw lots of vehicles, but it was evident that every single one of those drivers was psychologically deranged.
4. There will never be cologne modeled after the New York City Subway.
5. When you run into Andrew McCarthy, don’t mention “Mannequin” the movie.
6. Don’t be afraid to elbow a few grandmothers to get in the shot outside the Today show. It’s totally worth it.

Brian "There’s no place like Home!” Matthews

Follow me at http://www.twitter.com/redsneaker

2009-06-19T09:16:00.001-05:00

Want to join me for a photowalk in Bismarck on July 18th?
Go here: http://ping.fm/VxFtf
and sign up!

2009-06-02T15:44:00.001-05:00

Fingers and toes are more important than elbows and knees.

2009-06-02T15:43:00.001-05:00

If you think you can do something, you probably can, unless of course, you can’t.

2009-05-29T08:07:00.001-05:00

A penny saved is a penny earned, but a nickel is five cents.

2009-05-28T15:32:00.001-05:00

Umbrellas do one thing REALLY well.

2009-05-28T15:22:00.001-05:00

Truth is a friendly brown dog wagging his tail, but watch out: he might bite.

2009-05-28T13:37:00.001-05:00

Lucky is such a happy feeling.

2009-05-28T13:28:00.001-05:00

I like groups, but I’m not a joiner.

2009-05-27T16:29:00.001-05:00

Sometimes, the TV screen seems to give me secret messages....radio too.

2009-05-27T16:24:00.001-05:00

The thing about other people’s opinions is, I bruise easily.

2009-05-27T16:05:00.001-05:00

Turning up the heat is a bad substitute for emotional warmth.

2009-05-27T15:25:00.001-05:00

Fish make excellent swimmers.

2009-05-27T15:02:00.003-05:00

Numbers — they’re the only things you can truly count on.

2009-05-27T15:02:00.001-05:00

I’d rather be a flower than a shovel, but I’d rather be a shovel than dirt

2009-05-22T15:52:00.001-05:00

Hummingbirds.