As I watch TV, pharmaceutical ads pitch drugs like Advair, Abilify, and Zocor. These names mean nothing to me. Where is the truth in advertising? With the growing popularity of drugs like Viagra and Cialis, I would like to suggest other names that these E.D. treatments should be named: -Antilimpator -Stiffamine -Strokasac -Chubacillin -Manadryl -Hardagro -Bonetassium
OK, big drug companies, there’s a start. No go ahead and run with it.
Brian "Looking forward to seeing an ad for ‘Erectenol’” Matthews
I firmly believe that snow is like the universes athlete's foot powder. Just like you sprinkle the white powder on your tootsies to help with the itch, I think the universe sprinkles a little snow to help with the itch as well. It stops all that "Outdoor" activity, it makes all that movement not itch so much by placing a small layer of ice between the pests and the Earth. For some "pests", they actually relocate because they can't stand the powder. So, universe--I'm looking at you--I'm not going anywhere.
Sitting on the ground My bottom grows very cold The Old Bridge Goes Boom
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Letter on our Front Door This Halloween
Thursday, October 23, 2008 |
To whom it may concern: Thank you for choosing the Matthews’ residence as part of your holiday experience. Unfortunately, we can not offer you the remuneration you are here to collect. Please understand that we do have the required sugary treats you are looking for, but we are understaffed and can no longer offer this service. We are sure you understand with the unstable stock market, we have not been able to retain the proper talent for the position in the distribution department. This is disappointing for all involved parties. The procurement department has been able to obtain several amenities specific to this celebration, but without the proper distribution chain, we could not guarantee the high level of quality you have come to expect from the Matthews’ residence. In the spirit of the season, please feel free to patronize other regional establishments in hopes of finding the prepackaged goodness you desire. Sincerest thanks
As many of you know, I am something of an oracle. A soothsayer, if you will. I can’t see the future, but I can state the obvious or take a pretty good guess. So here’s my prediction of the upcoming election.
1. Pomeroy will win because if you have the last name “Pomeroy”, “Dorgan”, “Conrad”,or “Burdick”. If I ever ran for any elected position in North Dakota, I am certain that if someone with the name “Byron Conrad Burdick” ran for any office in North Dakota, he (or she) would win instantly. They may even cancel the election because it’s a no-brainer. 2. Hoeven will win because of the old adage—“If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.” North Dakotans are primarily a very sensible bunch. They know what works and if it works, leave it alone. Unless Hoeven goes off the deep end in the next 4 days, I think he has this thing wrapped up like chalupa. 3. Superintendent of Public Instruction—Wayne Sanstead. Do I need to repeat the “If it ain’t broke” policy? I’ve lived in North Dakota my entire life and if you are running against Wayne Sanstead, be prepared to lose. I’m fairly sure if I named my cat “Wayne Sanstead” she would be at least nominated for some office next year. 4. Insurance Commissioner—Adam Hamm. Why? I am imagining hundreds of little cafes in little towns scattered throughout the Dakota prairie where you will hear this phrase, ”That Jasper guy looks like he’s in first grade.” I’m not saying it’s right, but I think he would have had a better shot by growing some facial hair prior to the election and changing his name to “Ed”. 5. Any office where there is only one candidate—congratulations! You have already won! No one else wants that job and, to be honest, we, as citizens, are happy that you are willing to take it.
There are my predictions. Now let’s see how I do when the real results come in.
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